​Everyday life does not prepare anyone for a cancer diagnosis.
Where would you learn this?

• Health class in high school? Yeah right: you felt too invincible to listen, anyway.
• Your doctor’s office during a routine physical? Not likely: doctors are too overworked these days.
• Over dinner with your friends or family? As if: try recovering from that conversation killer, “Um, can you believe what our president tweeted today?”

When that diagnosis is given to your partner—the person you fell in love with and maybe even married—even “till death do us part” cannot prepare you for being a cancer caregiver.

In this 2 part blog series, we hope you’ll find comfort in reading the words of real caregivers sharing their very real experiences while caring for their partner. We’ll share their encouragement and local and national resources if you or someone you love is a caregiver. 

Are you new to cancer caregiving?  Do you know someone who is?  When cancer strikes our loved one, we caregivers instantly begin playing a role we've never played before.  Cancer impacts every aspect of our life.  We get no training, no chance to get good at it first.  We just start playing the game!

I am a beginner.

I am entering a new game about which I know nothing.  I do not yet know how to move in this game.  I see many other people playing in this game now.  This game has gone on for many years prior to my arrival.  I am a new recruit arriving here for the first time.  I see value to me in learning to navigate in this domain.

There is much for me to learn:  The basic terminology.  The basic rules.  The basic moves of action.  The basic strategies.

While I am learning these things I may feel various negative reactions:  Overwhelmed at how much there is to learn.  Insecure that I do not know what to do.  Inadequate that I lack the capacity to do this.  Frustrated and discouraged that my progress is so slow.  Angry that I have been given insufficient guidance.  Anxious that I may never satisfy all the expectations of my loved-ones.  Embarrassed that everyone can see my mistakes.

But these moods are part of being a beginner.  It does not serve my goal and ambition to dwell in them.

Instead, if I make a mistake, I will ask, "What lesson does this teach?".  If I make a discovery, I will celebrate my aha moment!  If I feel alone, I will remember that I have many friends ready to help.  If I am stuck, I will ask for help from my teachers.

Over time, I will make fewer mistakes.  I will gain confidence in my abilities.  I will need less guidance from my teachers and friends.  I will gain familiarity with the game.  I will not cause breakdowns for promises I lack the competence to keep.  I have an ambition to become competent, perhaps even proficient or expert in this game.

But for now, I am a beginner.